Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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