I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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