Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
