there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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