i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
