Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
