You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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