he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
