I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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