I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize