you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
