I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
