i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
