You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
