you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
