Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
