What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
