He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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