You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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