I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's like iHOP with fire
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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