True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize