my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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