Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
