Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
