i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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