Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
