I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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