he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
