how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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