don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
