With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
