just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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