I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
operation have a gay friend backfired
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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