pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
