I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
