how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
