Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
