I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
