I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
