I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
