When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
