That's intense
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
