Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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