And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
