Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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