M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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