where am i from again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
