I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
