I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
