So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
