I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
