im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
