enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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