Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize