The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
