My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Randomize
