Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
