So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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