Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He shit in the fireplace
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize