a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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