I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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