I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
