Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
