i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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