6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
