Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
