What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
