Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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