The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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