im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
