if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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