Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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